Santa Fe, Part 3

Current, local weather report: 72 Fahrenheit, bright sun, slight breeze. Yellow daffodils, wild purple iris blooming at neighbor's front door. Current, internal weather conditions reflect the external, environmental conditions. It is March 18th.

The Middle East is having multiple revolutions, the mid-West of the USA --Wisconsin-- has been having it's own revolution, earthquakes and subsequent Tsunami have rocked the Pacific ocean and killed possibly tens of thousands in Japan, the Mayan prophecies (and other indigenous people's prophecies) are possibly being actualized with tectonic and polar shift. And here am I, in a safe and calm place.

I truly hope that people around the world will heed the warnings-- no one should live near a fault line, a coast line, or even low elevations, in my opinion. As one letter from a Native elder says, "If Spirit tells you to move, move." Ultimately, though, I know it's not a bad thing to "leave the space suit". However, I would like to live a full, long, healthy life in the body I have right now, so I feel grateful that I followed the call to this place.

In the meantime, lots of housekeeping; cooking and cleaning, externally as well as internally. Internal Spring cleaning includes generous, daily doses of Chlorella, which I am slowly building up, Neem, and Turmeric; the latter two are thousands of years old Ayurvedic herbal panaceas. Trying to stay physically active, including slow, long stretching, which in my experience, assists in detoxification. I've been much too sedentary, due to the struggles I've had physically and emotionally. My joints have been chronically aching and my body has been stiff. Suspect the possibility of systemic Candida and parasites.

I am having an experience now of what they mean when they say that the first year or two of marriage is the hardest. New issues come up, older issues not resolved definitely become louder after marriage. Loic agreed to have another "talk" this morning, and I am very glad. My ultimate goal is that we grow together, and grow a deeper and deeper connection. I have seen the beginnings of that, and feel hopeful.

March and April, I am told, is the windy season here. So far, it's been pretty calm. Tonight, though, I can hear the wind howl through the windows. It's a full moon, showing itself above the hazy shadows of the Sangre de Cristo mountains, in view on the Eastern side of our apartment. If I hadn't already made significant progress communicating with (and making peace with) the spirits here, my skin would be crawling. Trust me, even the most grounded of my good friends, remarked on the spirit she encountered in her hotel room while visiting here for two nights.

People either love or hate this place; there is no in-between. Equally, if you live here, you will go crazy, and I mean this in good ways and not-so-good ways. This place is full of nuts, and I have become one of them. I commune with invisible beings, for heaven's sake. I underwent a shamanic healing last week, and when I got up from the table I was lying upon, quite unexpectedly, all my body pain had disappeared. It is still mostly gone, compared to what it was.
As I've said before, this is a place of healing, and it can happen really fast. I was reflecting on how far I've come in such a short period of time-- a little over four months.

My client base has been growing, I'm happy to report. Although I have still been doing quite a bit of bartering, I actually got paid twice this week. It may not be impressive for Chicago, but it's impressive for Santa Fe. I have the added benefit of attaining much altered states of consciousness while doing a session, which happens more often and more intensely when I do energy sessions alone. Since these states are extremely pleasant and fulfilling, I tend to favor energy sessions, for selfish reasons.

We continue our exploration of hot springs... February 18th, Loic couldn't go due to his work schedule, but I accompanied fellow Couchsurfers Ana and Rob, and their friend Storm, to Spence hot springs. A lukewarm and very frequented spring, but such beauty surrounding it! Later, on February 27th, Loic and I were guided by Couchsurfer Shannon, to San Antonio hot springs, a 3 1/2 mile hike into a much more remote area in the mountains. Even though we were hiking the entire time under snowfall, and upon snow-covered ice, we were still amazed to find no one on the trail or at the spring, the entire day. I had been nervous about this hike. You've already heard about my physical challenges. And I did end up slipping and falling quite a bit. And I did end up swallowing an ibuprofen when we arrived, and at bedtime later. And it took me two days to recover, with a lot of extra sleeping. But it was amazing... the beauty on the hike and at the spring itself. And hot, and so clean. Great photos on my Facebook profile, if you haven't seen them (one is at the beginning of this blog).

I went to Ojo Caliente during daylight, last Sunday, without Loic, but with a new friend, to celebrate her birthday. Overrun with people, and a film on the surface of the waters. I vowed never again to go during the day, during the weekend, in warmer weather. One thing I have loved about visiting hot springs in so-called inclement weather, is that there are a lot less people. I am not people-hating, but I'm certainly crowd-hating, especially when it comes to group bathing, with people of questionable hygiene, and/or questionable health. Maybe it's something I need to get over, my fear of disease and contamination.

In the last day or so, I've returned to concept of Patriarchy ( I was a Women and Gender Studies student in college, and I read and wrote about the subject) ...and our changing world. The earthquakes and Tsunami, the Mayan calendar and prophecy, the trends away from materialism and consumerism, towards connectedness and Earth-based consciousness, are all a part of this. I just finished an excellent book by John Perkins (author of the bestselling, "Confessions of an Economic Hitman") called, "Shapeshifting: Shamanic Techniques for Global and Personal Transformation". I had no idea this guy was writing books on shamanism, originally inspired by his visits to local tribal elders, during his exploitative trips to third world countries while working for the US government. He eventually quit doing these horrific jobs, and started to lead trips for groups to visit these shamans, and learn from them. There are many pages I could quote, but I'll share this one:

"You asked, so we are here to explain. But you've already seen it. Or at least enough. There is a direct correlation between the rise of 'advanced, civilized societies' and the demise of the shamanic ones that emphasize closeness to and dependence on nature. That encourage ecstasy."

"Ecstasy!"The women rolled their eyes and moved their bodies seductively; four or five of them touched their breasts.

"Ecstasy is what we all desire. It is a natural state of heightened passions when we feel our oneness with all things. But those who would dominate others hate ecstasy. Passion includes anger and rebellion. It threatens their control. They discredit shamans who espouse it. They try to force the goddess out of religion and the priestess out of women. Woman the ecstatic. Instead they teach their sheep that happiness comes from owning things, that heaven is a huge store. 'Out with the primitive' they shout. 'Tame nature!' " (p 153)

I do hope that you will read this book... and discuss it.

Santa Fe, Part 2

I think I am finally starting to enjoy the unfolding of my life again. And believe me, after many "meltdowns", that is something to say. Last night I read a chapter from an astrology book on the sign of Cancer, and how hard change is for them, especially if it relates to a home base or a community. I can certainly vouch for this. It occurred to me today that if everyone could simply enjoy the unfolding of their lives, just enjoy the process, what greater happiness and peace there would be in the world.

So, this is my first Winter in Santa Fe.

For some reason there is a mythology of Santa Fe, even perpetuated by the locals, that Santa Fe doesn't have extreme weather...or at least, extreme cold. My decision to move here was actually based on this mythology. While this Winter has been mild (we've really lucked out! -- 40's and 50's a lot of the time) and above average in temperatures, we just hit a record low of -18 overnight last Thursday, and even had natural gas service disruption, with a lot of people unable to heat their homes or have hot water, etc., due to the unusually high demand over a 48 hour period. Luckily, a lot of people here have fireplaces and wood-burning stoves, making the already fresh air even more delightful with the scent of Pinon, or other fragrant wood. My impression is a lot of people also have electric heaters, and there are quite a few solar-powered homes, too.

Water is scarce here, too; it's a new thing for both of us to be charged for the volume of water we use. Many reminders of the urgent need for humankind to learn how to be self-sustaining. I've never had my own garden, but now that I have a nice, large deck I'm going to be growing food on it. For what it's worth.

On the upside, it is beautiful here year-round. It is joyful and breathtaking. Although the high altitude has been taking some getting used to; I still get an aerobic workout now just taking a walk. (Gingko Biloba and Hawthorn extracts have helped me quite a bit.) And even when it's hot, because it's dry heat, the shade is quite pleasant, and I have seen women walking around town with parasols-- I know this to work well. Temperatures drop rapidly and radically once the sun goes down, a phenomenon in the desert, which can be a nice or not-so-nice thing.

Since I don't have a j-o-b yet, I have been doing some pretty amazing cooking. A lot of my creativity has been channeled into homemaking. I made my first Latkes and applesauce at Hanukah, and a Christmas dinner that Loic's family would have been proud of, including mashed Rutabaga with butter, and a Cornish game hen, stuffed with marinated, minced Crimini mushroom, with the Truffle I smuggled in from our visit to France, wrapped in a mustard leaf, tied together with two strips of bacon. Unbelievable. Oh, and I made my first Yule Log cake, or Buche de Noel. Chocolate sauce and whipped cream filling. Did I mention this was unbelievable? I have also made a goat cheesecake. And luxuriated in the delicious native Red and Green Chiles; a New Mexican legacy. Thanksgiving was pretty amazing, too, including a pumpkin pie made from scratch. I have photos of all of my November/December creations on Facebook.

On the occasion of one of my "meltdowns", which happened Christmas day after having had a fight with Loic and then spending the day alone (a thing I have never done before), I finally decided I had to use the miles on my credit card to buy a ticket to visit Chicago in January. My mission: Visit with loved ones I miss, spend time with the cats, and hopefully find a new home for them. As my plane was taking off, I said to myself, " I want to be in Chicago with a peaceful heart, and go back to Santa Fe with a peaceful heart", and that is exactly what happened.

It was incredibly nourishing to be in Chicago again. I thought it would feel weird sleeping in my parent's house, in my old room, but surprisingly it wasn't. I have felt uncomfortable in the house I grew up in while visiting as an adult, as my childhood and teenage years are generally not ones I want to remember. What I consider my 'happy years' have been from 2007 and on!

But I not only felt very comfortable in the Samuels' house, I slept really well there, too.

I must say, however, that I was shockingly reminded of how little sun Chicago gets, especially in the Winter. And it was bitterly cold. And... it smelled awful! I became even more grateful for Santa Fe and it's air and it's beauty and its... sunlight. It's hard for me to imagine breathing that air, now. I love Chicago and it's culture and it's huge Mid-Western trees. But it stinks.

So, the rest of the time I have spent here I have been slowly re-building my private clientele as a massage therapist, taking continuing education, volunteering at the library, participating in a class called, "Creating Your Destiny"; giving me the opportunity to clarify a goal and work on removing what gets in the way of manifesting it. Action steps involved in this, for me, include meditation, shamanic journeying, writing down my dreams. It feels good, and productive. It feels like the beginning of a community for me.

The most uplifting activity so far has been our participation in Couchsurfing.org. Now that we have two bedrooms, a master bedroom, and a guest bedroom (which also functions as my massage room), we have the luxury of hosting guests. I was nervous of doing this at first, and felt uncomfortable inviting complete strangers into our home, but as it turns out I am a pretty good judge of character, and Couchsurfing allows people to set up very comprehensive profiles, including lots of photos, and the opportunity of leaving or obtaining good references and recommendations from fellow friends, travelers, hosts, or "surfers". There are also groups and activities people can join within the Couchsurfing community, and I've joined the Hotsprings, Bellydancers, Santa Fe, and New Mexico groups.

On the 2nd of January we hosted two young women from Massachusetts. The four of us drove to Ojo Caliente Hotsprings one cold night. It was my third visit there in the span of almost twenty years, but my first in the night and in the Winter. We sat in these hot, mineral springs and watched the steam rise up into the starry night sky. It felt so good I didn't mind the icicles forming in my hair.

I not only get to meet these incredibly inspiring, delightful, and highly intelligent fellow travelers, but I get to show people around and be a tourist myself, if I feel like it. We have hosted four times so far, and I have already learned so much, and made new friends, who might also let me sleep in their homes when I'm the one traveling. If you would like encouragement in participating in this, dear reader, I would be happy to oblige.

I am beginning to feel like I am developing a global community, as a result of my participation in this website. It is possible that I will start to feel that my community is a mobile one, like I could be a Hermit Crab; the type of Cancer that will travel with a spiritual home strapped to it's back, finding a larger home when I have outgrown the one I'm wearing.

I was feeling so disconnected from everything and everyone when I moved here. I have been mourning my disconnection from my spiritual practices, my feeling of disconnection from Spirit, from my Higher Self, whatever you call it. Years ago, I used to literally "hear" voices sometimes, despite the fact that I was intensely depressed. I missed the ability to hear, although my intuition could still be strong. All these activities I am doing now are bringing me back to myself, finally, and bringing me great relief. I look forward to hearing voices....

The Lunar New Year, along with the pagan holiday of Candlemas/Imbolc/ Brigidsmas, also happened last Thursday. I definitely feel a shift in the energy, as we move from the Tiger to the Rabbit. Rabbit is supposed to bring peace and calm, despite what all the astrologer's are saying about the craziness of the planets.

On the marriage front, I am loving being married. Yes, Loic and I have had a number of fights. It's been scary, and sad, and enraging. Some of this has been resolved, thankfully. I am still not sure what's going to happen when Loic leaves, in several years, for his year-plus sojourn that I was supposedly joining him on. I am currently re-evaluating doing it, as I am just not sure yet how I can maintain my health and sanity while doing it. And I know I will miss him terribly if I stay in a home I have worked hard to make, while he travels. Who knows.

One of my Facebook friends posted something about how she and her fiance celebrate "monthly anniversaries", as they have done since they began dating. Charmed, I suggested this to Loic, who promptly vetoed the idea, saying it would be an expensive thing (even though my friends were just exchanging cards). He also doesn't like a lot of predictable celebrations, as they take the surprise and romance out of an occasion. I can't disagree, and for that reason I don't really care for Valentine's Day, although I love all the red and pink hearts and cherubs. So I forgot about mentioning the idea. On December 16th, Loic called me from work, saying he would be an hour late coming home. He showed up an hour later, with a bouquet of red roses, enrobed in evergreen branches, and a bottle of wine with some other edible treats. "Happy Anniversary", he said, kissing me. I had forgotten all about my suggestion! Delighted, I told him not to worry, that I wouldn't be expecting this every month.

Yes, I am happy to be married.

Santa Fe, Part 1

At forty years of age, and nearly that long living in Chicago, I have relocated to Santa Fe, New Mexico. After two months of living here I am finally beginning to feel the reality of this statement. It's taking a while to get grounded, and I am not sure if it's because I've moved as an adult, or if it's because I've spent so much time this year with my feet, literally, off the ground. Probably the high altitude contributes. A colleague of mine called it, "Sky Energy"here. I believe it.

I wouldn't wish on anyone the feelings of grief and unreality I've experienced in leaving good friends and family and even my beloved cats back in Chicagoland. As I was packing, day after day, I grew sadder and angrier, and eventually started questioning if it was worth it. Every year that winter has begun since I was 18, I've told myself,"This is my last winter in Chicago. This is my last winter in Chicago...(insert cursing)." And yet, as I was leaving it, and breaking so many hearts including my own, I became so grateful for the many years, and even the winters, that I spent there.

There really isn't any substitute for the deep bonds that form between friends over time. And anyone who has not lived a good number of years with an animal companion can not know the bonds that grow between human and animal. For various reasons I'd rather not divulge at this point, I couldn't bring my two cats. I had a few friends suggest donating them back to the shelter where they were adopted, but I couldn't bear the idea of putting them through the trauma of that, and possibly never seeing them again. At the time of this writing they are living in the condo where I lived, with a "catsitter"; they need a home where they will get the loving attention they deserve.

All that aside, Santa Fe has been a magical place for me. I've experienced such strong creativity and spirituality and kindness. Strangers smile and say hello to me as if they know me. People act as if they recognize me. A man drove by me in a pick up truck while I was walking, and said,"It's really nice to see you today!" While waiting at a bus stop, another man walked by me and said,"Did you get that monkey? Oh, excuse me, I thought I met you at Whole Foods." Cars not required to stop actually stop to allow me to walk across a street. It's like I'm being welcomed home from a long journey.

Yesterday one of our neighbors also renting on the same property, who we have not introduced ourselves to yet, called up "Hello, neighbor!" to me on our second-floor terrace in dark. I was amazed. Either it's a small town phenomenon (ok, Santa Fe isn't that small, hovering around sixty thousand), or it's Southwestern hospitality, or somehow the high elevation (7,000 feet), forces people's heart muscles to work harder making them naturally big-hearted.

A new acquaintance put it very nicely; many people here are here because they choose to be here. I know this is not the only explanation, though. There is a magic and beauty to this place that magnetizes.

I love how I can use the terms, "Reiki" and "Shamanism" in a conversation with a virtual stranger and instead of getting funny looks I actually get a smile of recognition. I don't have to talk about football. People actually talk about sunsets, even though we are graced with the dazzling beauty of the sun and sky everyday. I don't feel so much like a freak for stopping to watch the mountains, or the raven that just flew overhead.

I flew to Santa Fe on October 27th to join Loic, who had already been here for a bit over a month. On November 16th we were married in a small room with a kiva fireplace at the hotel where he works, by a woman with long white hair. I wore all white and a borrowed dress from my good friend Michele. It was so last minute we kept it small, and luckily, my parents and my two brothers, along with Michele, were able to make it. Loic set up Skype with his family in France, so they were able to watch, if not fully understand, the ceremony. Lunch at the restaurant in the Inn of the Anasazi, (Loic's hotel), was incredibly delicious.

While we made preparations for the wedding, I asked Loic to prepare a toast at our lunch. It was amazingly moving, although he demanded most strictly that I not repeat it or broadcast it (my brother recorded it on video). I feel it's a shame, but I am honoring his demand.

It was a beautiful and precious wedding... spontaneous. I loved feeling like a princess. I told Mom later that every woman should get to have that once a week! Dress up, with a bouquet, get toasted with champagne... and a delicious meal that even now makes my mouth water. What a life.

I am writing this entry in our lovely apartment, where I can watch the sun rise over the mountains in one set of windows, and the sun set through another, or all of the above from the terrace, also known as the deck. I have the indulgence of internet at home for the first time in fifteen years. That alone is such a gift, and has helped me feel a lot less lonely here in my new home.

To be continued!

Our Stay In Rochefort, France

This entry was written while in Rochefort...

If Americans have a tendency towards excessive use and overconsumption of natural resources, then in contrast, my impression of the French is a tendency towards extreme conservation bordering on neurotic deprivation. This can be illustrated in Loic’s parents’ conservation of water and other household utilities, and the refusal to use the clothes’ dryer. They are not poor.

A most significant illustration is Loic’s extreme distaste for spending money in any way. I believe that if Loic and I were swimming in wealth he would still avoid spending money wherever possible. I acknowledge that I have unusual values as an American in that I like living with less and what I do possess is often second-hand or found. Although I am starting to feel that money and the security it brings are an illusion. (I am currently in the middle of reading, "Busting Loose From the Money Game." Very intriguing.)

In contradiction to their conservation, the French love good food and drink, and I have been served more glasses of Champagne in the six weeks I have spent in France than I have previously consumed in my entire life up to this point, and that includes, “Sparkling Wine”. Today I was fed Foie Gras and caviar as a guest at dinner. Actually, I have been virtually force-fed to eat much more than I would like at times, which has been often, during the family’s long, paid holiday time. Was the intent to make foie gras out of me? No, it was simply the cultural imperative to feed a guest one is showing hospitality to. Mind you, the food was delicious.

I have been fed rabbit, langostines, duck, mussles smoked in a barbecue of pine needles (a regional specialty), and tried one half of a snail (bleccchhh). My favorite dishes have been Vinegar Chicken (with shallot, mushroom, sundried tomato in a fabulous clear sauce--unbelievable, and Loic cooks it, too), and a beef fondue, both prepared by Loic’s mother, Evelyn. I have enjoyed some fabulous wines from the Bordeaux region (the French people’s favorite, I think), as well as a few from Bergerac in the Dordogne region.

By far my favorite (alcoholic) drink here is red Pineau, a regional drink of Charentes-Maritime, the family’s region. I believe it is the juice of the Pineau grape added to brandy, and fermented for at least a year. Families often grow the grape in their yards. I absolutely love it.

Loic’s home region is also world-famous for their sea salt, in particular, Fleur de Sel, literally translated as “Flower of Salt”, a very pure salt which is hand-harvested and sun-dried, and intended to be eaten raw on top of things like sliced tomato. My favorite, though, is the less-prized, grey and hence more flavorful as well as nutritive, Sel de Mer. I brought back a kilo or something, and spread the love.

I have witnessed such wonderful animals and wildlife in France. Especially on the winding, two-lane roads which are known as national roads. Storks nesting on the power lines and in flight, cattle in every color, donkeys, horses, sheep, the “Pi” bird, which looks like a crow but is black and white with a long thin tail. Martins, snails, wild swans, hawks and eagles, chickens and roosters, ducks, pigs, frogs and crawfish in a puddle, an 80-year-old pet tortoise. Huge, opalescent jellyfish washed up on the beach. Lavendar used as an ornamental, wild poppies, and chamomile.

I have toured more medieval castles, fortresses, and cities than I thought I ever would. Roman ruins and prehistoric caves to boot.

I have been thrown into very long parties, at times lasting 12 hours long. Talk about language immersion.

I will miss the “bonjours” that even young boys have said to me in the street. I will miss the cheek-kissing which brings an immediate sense of intimacy, belonging, and affection. I will miss the continuity of tradition, the sense of beauty here. I will miss every house possessing terra cotta roof tiles, and the white stucco over the stone house walls. And yes, I will miss all of Loic’s family, from his dear grandparents to the youngest nephew, 4 years old at the time of this writing, who sometimes drove me crazy. France I will miss you!

Lastly, on Thursday the 29^th of July, 2010, Loic proposed to me in a park in Rochefort, France. We were sitting on a park bench, and he got down on one knee and, with a beautiful diamond ring, asked me to be his wife. He had actually bought a ring, he later told me, in March of 2008, on impulse. This is very unusual for him, since as I have said, he is not the type to spend money, especially impulsively. He said he wasn’t sure when he was going to propose to me, and unbelievably, this ring travelled with him to a number of countries, and stayed with him in some pretty low-security places. I had actually discovered the ring accidentally while looking for a room key in his bag, while in Costa Rica, and I knew he was carrying the ring with him to France.

I watched what I thought were Special Moments fly by during our trip to France. I know that I didn’t make it especially easy for him to propose, I’ll admit. Eventually, as our holiday started wind down, I started to push him, saying things like, “You know, the perfect moment isn’t going to just happen on it’s own, you need to make it happen,” and, “I would very much like to be proposed to before I get on another plane.” It was two weeks until our flight. A day or two later I said, “Ok, you have only one week to propose to me, because if I give you until the day of our flight, it may not happen here! You have until Thursday!” Of course he grumbled, like a good man will.

When he finally proposed, it felt so unreal. And I was so relieved and happy to have it finally happen. I felt that Loic really did value me as he claimed. I love wearing this ring now, and it feels so right.

Our story back in the U.S to come next!

The Wonderlands of Paris and Vienna

Forgive me friends, it has been too long since my/our last blog. I am re-c0mmitting to this blog and my writing. This blog is kind of turning into a "Mostly Rachel Writing - Blog" I suppose. I have a greater interest in sharing myself through writing than Loic does at this point. We'll see what happens.

I am going to skip the writing I did about our Couchsurfing experience, but I'll mention here that its a truly great online community and resource. Also, I am going to skip the writing I did about Hotel Intercontinental, Paris Le Grand, in Paris, although it was amazing for Loic to win a free night as well as a free breakfast there! The following is my first writing on this trip:

I am writing this while sitting, exhausted, within the palace of Versailles, after doing much of the garden, and then most of the rooms available to the public. Versailles still

impresses, even in this age where little is left to impress us. My feet are hurting and my entire body is sore. Loic is disappointed with me for not being willing to do everything that he wants to do. There is still a lot he has to learn about a Diabetic who has had diabetes for 28 years, and especially one who has just reached her 40^th birthday. The body undergoes significant changes between 35 and 40, even for the so-called “normal” person. Loic is 4 years younger than I am, and possibly he will be more sympathetic to my condition as he ages himself.

My endurance level and my ability to handle stress is seemingly much less than his at this moment in time. I have been surprised that he did not book or plan ahead of time some of things we were to do on this trip, since I have known him to be a very good planner and strategizer in general. He surprises me in delightful ways and also in disturbing ways. Although we only had four days in Paris this time around, (although we have both been in Paris before, this is our first time seeing it together, and while I am having a birthday), some of our nights were not booked in advance at any hotel. A word to the wise: If you are spending two weeks or less at a destination, it is a good idea to know where you are going to sleep ahead of time, otherwise, so much of your journey is spent figuring that out, or being preoccupied about it! A bonus tip: Make finding the place where you are going to stay the first night easy to find and travel to.

I also discovered recently that booking a convenient hotel near the airport the night before your plane is due to leave relieves a lot of stress. I have learned so much about travel in such a short period of time, possibly because I have done so much of it without the interruption of that pesky thing called a job…. For one, there are often things that you can add to your list of “Never To Do Again” (am I starting to sound like Bill Bryson here?), and two, lack of communication among travel partners can kill the pleasure in travel. You think you have problems communicating in your relationship, try traveling together. Either you learn fast or the relationship will be destroyed.

I am baffled that Loic needs to be perpetually reminded of my needs and limits—I don’t know how else to keep reminding him yet without getting angry. Yet, back on the issue of surprises, and his ability to brilliantly plan, he delightfully surprised me by having planned two weekend road trips while we were staying with his family in France. While in Vienna, he surprised me with two tickets to a classical music concert in the famous music hall Musikwerein (sp?), as an early birthday present. I really enjoyed that.

I enjoyed Vienna, not only because of the art and architecture ( I saw a fabulous collection by one of my favorite artists, Hundertwasser, later Gustav Klimt and various pre-Raphaelite painters as well), but also because of its musical history. My father’s mother’s family comes from there, and supposedly one of my ancestors sang in the Vienna Opera House. The city is very quiet, the public transportation is excellent, and it even smells good. There isn’t much more that could make me happy. Celine, Loic’s sister, and her husband, Sebastien, were very gracious hosts, with a lovely, spacious apartment, a great bathroom (always a plus), and a very comfortable guest bed, which as it turns out, used to be Loic’s when he lived in Paris. I really enjoyed staying with them and getting to know Jolan and Dorian….

Back to the philosophy of travel. There is so much that I do enjoy, and I’ve realized, in Europe especially. If Costa Rica was nature, then Europe is culture. The world becomes my museum—I enjoy the littlest to the most grandiose things, including shopping. This bothers Loic, who has no patience for my stopping and looking at things that could possibly be purchased. As Hundertwasser says, “The line I trace with my feet walking to the museum is more important and more beautiful than the lines I find there hung up on the walls.” (Paris, 1953, by the way!) Ergo, the sleep I have the night before my visit to the museum, or the breakfast I have before my visit, is more important and more beautiful. Nothing else matters if I don’t eat and sleep well, or if I am not relating well to my travel companions, ultimately.

One of the biggest issues, I feel, among travel companions, is that they must expect to spend time apart some of the time. If travel companions and partners of any kind can agree to do this regularly, it can save and even deepen your commitment to eachother. The trick is to plan these times before either of you gets fed up being together. And the trickiest part, really, is to find a happy compromise between time together and time apart.

More of France to come!

Overview of Rachel's Chicago stay while Loic is elsewhere

This post was written while in France later, at Loic's parents house in Rochefort.

I have to keep this one brief, so here's an overview of my experience...

I came home early to recuperate from the intensity of Costa Rica. When I said goodbye to Loic at the airport, all I could think about was getting home, healing, having some alone time, and being able to practice energy medicine, massage, meditation, dance and exercize again. I didn't feel that I could remind Loic that I thought we had an agreement that we would not ever be apart for longer than three weeks. I was so happy to get home and rest and not be in the heat that for at least a week I was fine alone.

But then I started to really miss him. And it felt like drug withdrawal. After all, we went from two extremes: Before Costa Rica I usually didn't see him for more than a day or two a week. Then, we were together all the time in Costa Rica. I was really fearful of that while planning the trip, but it ended up being the best part of the journey for me. I loved being with him, and sleeping, if not always in the same bed, then in the same room with him. For all of my misery in Costa Rica, the beds were almost always amazingly comfortable, and I slept better there than I have in a really long time. (For those of you who heard of my sleep troubles with Loic, you know what a significant thing all of this is.)

So my nearly two months sojourn back in Chicago was spent sleeping alot, trading massage and Reiki with other practioners, reading, meditating, dancing, and crying alot over Loic. I cried because, at about three weeks, I started to persistently ask him to come home, and reminded him of what I thought was the agreement about the limitation for time apart. I tried to be as positive and as independent as possible during most of our Skype chats, but eventually I started to feel that Loic really preferred to be away from me and that travel was more important to him than being with me. And I hadn't yet been proposed to, something I had been wanting to happen for a long time, and especially before we travelled, which I made him well aware of. It broke my heart.

Meanwhile, Loic climbed a mountain in Costa Rica, hiked in remote areas, saw many amazing landscapes and creatures there as well as Nicaragua. I hope that he will add his own experience of his time alone on this blog, later....

Finally, being extremely brief here, I broke up with Loic in several detailed emails. Those were some of the worst four days I have ever experienced. I learned a lot about grief and the grieving process. Then I emailed him to call me after he emailed me saying some things which made me feel hopeful, such as that he had planned to come home a week earlier than he told me, to surprise me. When we talked on the phone, he agreed to come home as soon as possible. So we ended up spending three weeks together in the apartment before heading to Europe and visiting his family for seven weeks.

To be continued!

Last post about Costa Rica! More photos on Loic's Facebook page!

I am actually writing this posting while sitting in the Forest Park library... I changed my mind about staying in Costa Rica and flew back home the next week, on April 5th. Loic got sick and then I got sick, and it just wasn't a very fun situation. I was pretty homesick, literally.

That said, while waiting for these medical supplies to show up in Quepos (and never did), we visited Manuel Antonio National Park-- my first and only park visit-- twice. This park is beautiful-- a green mass of jungle reaching to the sky. A tour guide persuaded us to pay for his services while we stood outside the park entrance at 6:45 a.m. His powerful telescope and trained eyes were worth paying for. We would have missed many wonderful sightings. Native, green parrots, and a pygmy owl feeding it's baby with a lizard, were right outside the park entrance.

While on tour, we caught wonderful views of two- and three-toed sloths, Jesus Christ Lizards (aka Basilisks), a rather large black and blue hummingbird, red-legged crabs, giant light blue morfo butterflies (their official name escapes me)-- as big as a man's hand outspread.

Also a rarely seen Squirrel monkey, a so-called "Stick Bird", which Loic and I swear was stuffed and placed on a branch for the tour guides to "spot", a killer bee hive with the bees swarming around it, two kinds of bats, and most significantly, beautifully-colored Toucans.

The next day we went back with the goal of going to one of the park's beaches, and encountered a family of white-faced monkeys, or Capuchin. I felt like we were inside the monkey cage at the zoo, surrounded by them.

Leaving Quepos, which is actually below sea level, we traveled inland and to a higher elevation--into the Central Valley as it is known. We found a hotel in Alajuela, which shares a border to San Jose. Alajuela is actually a charming town, and San Jose International Airport is technically within it's borders. If you're smart, you'll stay in Alajuela instead of San Jose, before or after your flight. Even though the town is five minutes from the airport, the airplane noise was entirely minimal during the four days we stayed there.

I almost felt like we were staying in a European town, and not nearly as dirty as other towns I've been to in this country. There is not so much humidity and the weather is more temperate for more hours of the day. We unwittingly spent our time here during "Semana Santa" or Holy Week, some of the most religious days of the Catholic year, so much of the town was closed at one time or another. We heard that it is against the law to sell alcohol on Ash Wednesday through Good Friday. We watched the effigy of Jesus with the cross over his shoulders being carried into the cathedral.

Loic came with me to see me off safely, for which I am grateful. I didn't want to beg him to come home with me, but part of me wishes he wanted to. I am very grateful for the experience of Costa Rica, the natural world, the wild life, the nice tan.

I am building up my strength again so that I can enjoy myself in France and Austria, mid-June through early August. At home I can cook in my own kitchen, be with my cats, exercize and learn, and connect with my dearest friends. I hope to earn income, too. These are all so important to me.

I have learned so much from Costa Rica: 1) Never rely on one guide book or one point-of-view, for example. People who write guidebooks are always going to be biased towards convincing you to visit a place, right? 2) Always trust your own intuition about a place, and test its "waters". If I had relocated to Costa Rica without visiting it first, I would have been in a deeper mess.

My impression of Costa Rica right now is that it is overrun with tourists, yet in an economic decline. "Se Vende", or "For Sale" signs are everywhere-- including huge hotels that weren't even finished. The nature and wild life IS amazing-- especially if you know how to look.

And with all the active volcanoes, shifting tectonic plates, and intense, near-equatorial heat, Costa Rica definitely has a special energy to it, for those who can enjoy it.

That's all for now, more to come when Loic and I start visiting Europe!