This post was written while in France later, at Loic's parents house in Rochefort.
I have to keep this one brief, so here's an overview of my experience...
I came home early to recuperate from the intensity of Costa Rica. When I said goodbye to Loic at the airport, all I could think about was getting home, healing, having some alone time, and being able to practice energy medicine, massage, meditation, dance and exercize again. I didn't feel that I could remind Loic that I thought we had an agreement that we would not ever be apart for longer than three weeks. I was so happy to get home and rest and not be in the heat that for at least a week I was fine alone.
But then I started to really miss him. And it felt like drug withdrawal. After all, we went from two extremes: Before Costa Rica I usually didn't see him for more than a day or two a week. Then, we were together all the time in Costa Rica. I was really fearful of that while planning the trip, but it ended up being the best part of the journey for me. I loved being with him, and sleeping, if not always in the same bed, then in the same room with him. For all of my misery in Costa Rica, the beds were almost always amazingly comfortable, and I slept better there than I have in a really long time. (For those of you who heard of my sleep troubles with Loic, you know what a significant thing all of this is.)
So my nearly two months sojourn back in Chicago was spent sleeping alot, trading massage and Reiki with other practioners, reading, meditating, dancing, and crying alot over Loic. I cried because, at about three weeks, I started to persistently ask him to come home, and reminded him of what I thought was the agreement about the limitation for time apart. I tried to be as positive and as independent as possible during most of our Skype chats, but eventually I started to feel that Loic really preferred to be away from me and that travel was more important to him than being with me. And I hadn't yet been proposed to, something I had been wanting to happen for a long time, and especially before we travelled, which I made him well aware of. It broke my heart.
Meanwhile, Loic climbed a mountain in Costa Rica, hiked in remote areas, saw many amazing landscapes and creatures there as well as Nicaragua. I hope that he will add his own experience of his time alone on this blog, later....
Finally, being extremely brief here, I broke up with Loic in several detailed emails. Those were some of the worst four days I have ever experienced. I learned a lot about grief and the grieving process. Then I emailed him to call me after he emailed me saying some things which made me feel hopeful, such as that he had planned to come home a week earlier than he told me, to surprise me. When we talked on the phone, he agreed to come home as soon as possible. So we ended up spending three weeks together in the apartment before heading to Europe and visiting his family for seven weeks.
To be continued!
