At forty years of age, and nearly that long living in Chicago, I have relocated to Santa Fe, New Mexico. After two months of living here I am finally beginning to feel the reality of this statement. It's taking a while to get grounded, and I am not sure if it's because I've moved as an adult, or if it's because I've spent so much time this year with my feet, literally, off the ground. Probably the high altitude contributes. A colleague of mine called it, "Sky Energy"here. I believe it.
I wouldn't wish on anyone the feelings of grief and unreality I've experienced in leaving good friends and family and even my beloved cats back in Chicagoland. As I was packing, day after day, I grew sadder and angrier, and eventually started questioning if it was worth it. Every year that winter has begun since I was 18, I've told myself,"This is my last winter in Chicago. This is my last winter in Chicago...(insert cursing)." And yet, as I was leaving it, and breaking so many hearts including my own, I became so grateful for the many years, and even the winters, that I spent there.
There really isn't any substitute for the deep bonds that form between friends over time. And anyone who has not lived a good number of years with an animal companion can not know the bonds that grow between human and animal. For various reasons I'd rather not divulge at this point, I couldn't bring my two cats. I had a few friends suggest donating them back to the shelter where they were adopted, but I couldn't bear the idea of putting them through the trauma of that, and possibly never seeing them again. At the time of this writing they are living in the condo where I lived, with a "catsitter"; they need a home where they will get the loving attention they deserve.
All that aside, Santa Fe has been a magical place for me. I've experienced such strong creativity and spirituality and kindness. Strangers smile and say hello to me as if they know me. People act as if they recognize me. A man drove by me in a pick up truck while I was walking, and said,"It's really nice to see you today!" While waiting at a bus stop, another man walked by me and said,"Did you get that monkey? Oh, excuse me, I thought I met you at Whole Foods." Cars not required to stop actually stop to allow me to walk across a street. It's like I'm being welcomed home from a long journey.
Yesterday one of our neighbors also renting on the same property, who we have not introduced ourselves to yet, called up "Hello, neighbor!" to me on our second-floor terrace in dark. I was amazed. Either it's a small town phenomenon (ok, Santa Fe isn't that small, hovering around sixty thousand), or it's Southwestern hospitality, or somehow the high elevation (7,000 feet), forces people's heart muscles to work harder making them naturally big-hearted.
A new acquaintance put it very nicely; many people here are here because they choose to be here. I know this is not the only explanation, though. There is a magic and beauty to this place that magnetizes.
I love how I can use the terms, "Reiki" and "Shamanism" in a conversation with a virtual stranger and instead of getting funny looks I actually get a smile of recognition. I don't have to talk about football. People actually talk about sunsets, even though we are graced with the dazzling beauty of the sun and sky everyday. I don't feel so much like a freak for stopping to watch the mountains, or the raven that just flew overhead.
I flew to Santa Fe on October 27th to join Loic, who had already been here for a bit over a month. On November 16th we were married in a small room with a kiva fireplace at the hotel where he works, by a woman with long white hair. I wore all white and a borrowed dress from my good friend Michele. It was so last minute we kept it small, and luckily, my parents and my two brothers, along with Michele, were able to make it. Loic set up Skype with his family in France, so they were able to watch, if not fully understand, the ceremony. Lunch at the restaurant in the Inn of the Anasazi, (Loic's hotel), was incredibly delicious.
While we made preparations for the wedding, I asked Loic to prepare a toast at our lunch. It was amazingly moving, although he demanded most strictly that I not repeat it or broadcast it (my brother recorded it on video). I feel it's a shame, but I am honoring his demand.
It was a beautiful and precious wedding... spontaneous. I loved feeling like a princess. I told Mom later that every woman should get to have that once a week! Dress up, with a bouquet, get toasted with champagne... and a delicious meal that even now makes my mouth water. What a life.
I am writing this entry in our lovely apartment, where I can watch the sun rise over the mountains in one set of windows, and the sun set through another, or all of the above from the terrace, also known as the deck. I have the indulgence of internet at home for the first time in fifteen years. That alone is such a gift, and has helped me feel a lot less lonely here in my new home.
To be continued!
