Santa Fe, Part 2

I think I am finally starting to enjoy the unfolding of my life again. And believe me, after many "meltdowns", that is something to say. Last night I read a chapter from an astrology book on the sign of Cancer, and how hard change is for them, especially if it relates to a home base or a community. I can certainly vouch for this. It occurred to me today that if everyone could simply enjoy the unfolding of their lives, just enjoy the process, what greater happiness and peace there would be in the world.

So, this is my first Winter in Santa Fe.

For some reason there is a mythology of Santa Fe, even perpetuated by the locals, that Santa Fe doesn't have extreme weather...or at least, extreme cold. My decision to move here was actually based on this mythology. While this Winter has been mild (we've really lucked out! -- 40's and 50's a lot of the time) and above average in temperatures, we just hit a record low of -18 overnight last Thursday, and even had natural gas service disruption, with a lot of people unable to heat their homes or have hot water, etc., due to the unusually high demand over a 48 hour period. Luckily, a lot of people here have fireplaces and wood-burning stoves, making the already fresh air even more delightful with the scent of Pinon, or other fragrant wood. My impression is a lot of people also have electric heaters, and there are quite a few solar-powered homes, too.

Water is scarce here, too; it's a new thing for both of us to be charged for the volume of water we use. Many reminders of the urgent need for humankind to learn how to be self-sustaining. I've never had my own garden, but now that I have a nice, large deck I'm going to be growing food on it. For what it's worth.

On the upside, it is beautiful here year-round. It is joyful and breathtaking. Although the high altitude has been taking some getting used to; I still get an aerobic workout now just taking a walk. (Gingko Biloba and Hawthorn extracts have helped me quite a bit.) And even when it's hot, because it's dry heat, the shade is quite pleasant, and I have seen women walking around town with parasols-- I know this to work well. Temperatures drop rapidly and radically once the sun goes down, a phenomenon in the desert, which can be a nice or not-so-nice thing.

Since I don't have a j-o-b yet, I have been doing some pretty amazing cooking. A lot of my creativity has been channeled into homemaking. I made my first Latkes and applesauce at Hanukah, and a Christmas dinner that Loic's family would have been proud of, including mashed Rutabaga with butter, and a Cornish game hen, stuffed with marinated, minced Crimini mushroom, with the Truffle I smuggled in from our visit to France, wrapped in a mustard leaf, tied together with two strips of bacon. Unbelievable. Oh, and I made my first Yule Log cake, or Buche de Noel. Chocolate sauce and whipped cream filling. Did I mention this was unbelievable? I have also made a goat cheesecake. And luxuriated in the delicious native Red and Green Chiles; a New Mexican legacy. Thanksgiving was pretty amazing, too, including a pumpkin pie made from scratch. I have photos of all of my November/December creations on Facebook.

On the occasion of one of my "meltdowns", which happened Christmas day after having had a fight with Loic and then spending the day alone (a thing I have never done before), I finally decided I had to use the miles on my credit card to buy a ticket to visit Chicago in January. My mission: Visit with loved ones I miss, spend time with the cats, and hopefully find a new home for them. As my plane was taking off, I said to myself, " I want to be in Chicago with a peaceful heart, and go back to Santa Fe with a peaceful heart", and that is exactly what happened.

It was incredibly nourishing to be in Chicago again. I thought it would feel weird sleeping in my parent's house, in my old room, but surprisingly it wasn't. I have felt uncomfortable in the house I grew up in while visiting as an adult, as my childhood and teenage years are generally not ones I want to remember. What I consider my 'happy years' have been from 2007 and on!

But I not only felt very comfortable in the Samuels' house, I slept really well there, too.

I must say, however, that I was shockingly reminded of how little sun Chicago gets, especially in the Winter. And it was bitterly cold. And... it smelled awful! I became even more grateful for Santa Fe and it's air and it's beauty and its... sunlight. It's hard for me to imagine breathing that air, now. I love Chicago and it's culture and it's huge Mid-Western trees. But it stinks.

So, the rest of the time I have spent here I have been slowly re-building my private clientele as a massage therapist, taking continuing education, volunteering at the library, participating in a class called, "Creating Your Destiny"; giving me the opportunity to clarify a goal and work on removing what gets in the way of manifesting it. Action steps involved in this, for me, include meditation, shamanic journeying, writing down my dreams. It feels good, and productive. It feels like the beginning of a community for me.

The most uplifting activity so far has been our participation in Couchsurfing.org. Now that we have two bedrooms, a master bedroom, and a guest bedroom (which also functions as my massage room), we have the luxury of hosting guests. I was nervous of doing this at first, and felt uncomfortable inviting complete strangers into our home, but as it turns out I am a pretty good judge of character, and Couchsurfing allows people to set up very comprehensive profiles, including lots of photos, and the opportunity of leaving or obtaining good references and recommendations from fellow friends, travelers, hosts, or "surfers". There are also groups and activities people can join within the Couchsurfing community, and I've joined the Hotsprings, Bellydancers, Santa Fe, and New Mexico groups.

On the 2nd of January we hosted two young women from Massachusetts. The four of us drove to Ojo Caliente Hotsprings one cold night. It was my third visit there in the span of almost twenty years, but my first in the night and in the Winter. We sat in these hot, mineral springs and watched the steam rise up into the starry night sky. It felt so good I didn't mind the icicles forming in my hair.

I not only get to meet these incredibly inspiring, delightful, and highly intelligent fellow travelers, but I get to show people around and be a tourist myself, if I feel like it. We have hosted four times so far, and I have already learned so much, and made new friends, who might also let me sleep in their homes when I'm the one traveling. If you would like encouragement in participating in this, dear reader, I would be happy to oblige.

I am beginning to feel like I am developing a global community, as a result of my participation in this website. It is possible that I will start to feel that my community is a mobile one, like I could be a Hermit Crab; the type of Cancer that will travel with a spiritual home strapped to it's back, finding a larger home when I have outgrown the one I'm wearing.

I was feeling so disconnected from everything and everyone when I moved here. I have been mourning my disconnection from my spiritual practices, my feeling of disconnection from Spirit, from my Higher Self, whatever you call it. Years ago, I used to literally "hear" voices sometimes, despite the fact that I was intensely depressed. I missed the ability to hear, although my intuition could still be strong. All these activities I am doing now are bringing me back to myself, finally, and bringing me great relief. I look forward to hearing voices....

The Lunar New Year, along with the pagan holiday of Candlemas/Imbolc/ Brigidsmas, also happened last Thursday. I definitely feel a shift in the energy, as we move from the Tiger to the Rabbit. Rabbit is supposed to bring peace and calm, despite what all the astrologer's are saying about the craziness of the planets.

On the marriage front, I am loving being married. Yes, Loic and I have had a number of fights. It's been scary, and sad, and enraging. Some of this has been resolved, thankfully. I am still not sure what's going to happen when Loic leaves, in several years, for his year-plus sojourn that I was supposedly joining him on. I am currently re-evaluating doing it, as I am just not sure yet how I can maintain my health and sanity while doing it. And I know I will miss him terribly if I stay in a home I have worked hard to make, while he travels. Who knows.

One of my Facebook friends posted something about how she and her fiance celebrate "monthly anniversaries", as they have done since they began dating. Charmed, I suggested this to Loic, who promptly vetoed the idea, saying it would be an expensive thing (even though my friends were just exchanging cards). He also doesn't like a lot of predictable celebrations, as they take the surprise and romance out of an occasion. I can't disagree, and for that reason I don't really care for Valentine's Day, although I love all the red and pink hearts and cherubs. So I forgot about mentioning the idea. On December 16th, Loic called me from work, saying he would be an hour late coming home. He showed up an hour later, with a bouquet of red roses, enrobed in evergreen branches, and a bottle of wine with some other edible treats. "Happy Anniversary", he said, kissing me. I had forgotten all about my suggestion! Delighted, I told him not to worry, that I wouldn't be expecting this every month.

Yes, I am happy to be married.